


I could have died last night (but I heard the voice of a smaller god)

by Alfer



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), World of Darkness (Games)
Genre: Body Horror, F/F, Werewolf!Laura, WoD AU, but better to be safe, not that violent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4836788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alfer/pseuds/Alfer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only thing Laura had wanted was to keep people safe. Because of her actions, all were in danger. But she would fix this, no matter the cost to herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Urum da Takus

All had gone wrong. She only meant to keep people safe, to keep her campus safe. And now they were all in danger. It started to find a beloved friend, to get her back, and she did get Betty back, at the cost of SJ’s life. The friend she knew didn’t even exist, Betty did not remember her and had, at most, polite contempt for her nosy roommate. She had been Laura’s first real friend outside of family. Then the Voice of Silas kids were dead because Laura had fled, left the aftermath of this catastrophe like an irresponsible coward. The Summer Society girls were gone too.

And this final and most grievous failure, a piece of information given in confidence and shared in trust, used by someone Laura though she could believe in. Their enemies were many and she didn’t even know where to start fighting. Vordenburg had tempered with their food, given them something to make anyone who ate it speak truth, and Danny had knew it. She had been sent away from the house, Laura’s fury almost overwhelming for a moment. The old fool was crowning in victory. Carmilla was lost to her grief and anger, a danger to all and in danger herself. She had to leave her safe. Laura would never deserve forgiveness for Mattie’s death, but she had to find a way to fix it all.

The monks of Hastur had come to her in the night of that terrible day. Spoke of rites that might be able to bring her back. A vampire as old as Matska was could not die that easily after all, and her body was intact. Laura did not hesitate to accept their help. In return, the leader had given her the black Hastur Blade, retrieved at great cost from the anglerfish’s crater. He had demanded, in a voice scratchy from disuse, for her to wield the blade, to kill with it, and finally give the weapon the sacrifice it demanded. The moment the pommel fit into her hand, she knew the sword was something else, something more. Still she nodded. Whatever the price to have the old vampire back, she would pay.

So the rites where made, she gave as much blood as she could and the monks buried Mattie in the backyard, assuring Laura that she would rise in a few hours, if not sooner. The girl gave her thanks, took the blade and went back inside the house. She would do one last video, say her goodbyes and fulfill her half of the deal.

She went to her room first, to get the wolf pelt. It was the closest she had to a sibling, and now her only friend left. JP had been the one to realize the food was messed up with, but he also realized that Perry wasn’t dead, that she was in a far worse situation. In hindsight, it was all so clear.

The Dean had taken hold of Perry’s body, inhabiting it alongside the girl, working carefully to reach whatever goal she had. JP had found ancient books in the house, detailing how one might install these fail safes against death, and it had clicked in his head. Lafontaine had been heartbroken, and rightfully blamed the loss of their dear friend on Laura meddling where she shouldn’t have. The scientist had taken up a chainsaw monstrosity they had been working on, going after Vordenburg and the other council members in hope of finding answers and a way to get Perry back. JP had stayed in, researching in vain for a cure.

Setting the breathing pelt on her shoulders, Laura almost felt right again. She wanted to set it on her bare skin, to take wolf form and run from her human thoughts and human worries. It would have been good to run with Carmilla at some point, wolf and panther racing through the primeval forests around the campus. But mom had gone through the front door faster than anything when she saw Laura shift, and Carmilla too had left, even before that. Both were right to do so. Best not to dwell on useless dreams. Her actual dreams were enough of a torture for now, they almost felt like messages or visions, but there was no sense she could discern in them.

Before turning the camera on, Laura held the sword to her face, and asked what it was. In a voice that wasn’t made of breath, it answered in a strange tongue, one that felt so very familiar to Laura. She could understand most of what it said, but not all. By instinct, she replied to the spirit’s, as that was what it called itself, own questions in the same language, not quite knowing where the words came from. It would help her kill, it would fulfill its purpose, but it needed Essence back. Laura would give whatever that was. No price was too high to fix this mess, if she was the only one to pay.

She made her video, said what she needed to say, and walked to the door, dizzy from bloodloss. Just as she was passing through it, one of the dreams made sense. She was older in the vision, at least seemed so, but the black blade had been in her hand. As she held it up again, she asked a final question, in the human tongue now. “When the time comes, will you drink my blood too?” The words had no emotion behind them. From the blade came a cold voice, this time vibrating air around it, in answer. “Betrayer, bane to friends and foe alike, I will gladly drink your blood,” With that Laura nodded and went out to pursue her prey.

She needed to find the possessed Perry to defeat the Dean. The sword said it could pierce the Dean and leave her vessel intact, if that was Laura’s intent. Another horrible plan, but what was the alternative? People were dying, and it was her only hope. She headed for the crater, as it was likely the Dean was trying to recover her body now that most threats had been neutralized.

As she suspected, the Baron had lied and the anglerfish still lived, its acolytes swaying to its words. Laura could hear them at the back of her mind now, similar to the sword’s own talk. Around them the Baron’s troops, drunk on his brew, had apparently gotten hold of firearms and aimed it at the people and the god.

Laura shouted, telling them to stop. One Zeta, his eyes like that of a zombie, turned to her and fired. The shot pierced flesh and bone, easily tearing and shattering its way out her back. The pain was horrible, but it was nothing compared to the Fury. Laura felt it like a great wave, coming over her. There was no way to stop it. Her body shifted in painful spasms, nothing like the usual way the pelt would change her. It felt absolutely wrong and completely right at the same time.

Her bones snapped and popped, tendons and flesh twisting into shapes no human body should take. Her teeth grew in her mouth, forcing her face to elongate, to turn into a snout to make space for them. Her legs and feet broke and rearranged themselves, the process excruciating. Her fingers too grew, and the nails in them became deadly claws. Her ribcage reshaped, easily fixing the bullet wound, but the pain of each rib growing into new shape was worse than the shot itself. Fur sprouted all over, giving a maddening itching sensation. She was screaming in agony until the sound turned into pained growls.

When it was all over, a towering beast stood where a girl once was, the black sword still firmly grasped in its hand. Over nine feet tall, a mixture of wolf and human shape, it was a figure out of nightmares. The Summers and Zetas looked at her with primal terror in their eyes, some running while others stood frozen in horror.

Later, Laura would howl her grief, pain and shame at what she had done in this moment, a tale that almost killed her to tell, but she would never deny doing if asked. No memory remained, but the overwhelming stench of blood all over her would be enough of a clue, even if no one told her.

However, under the gaze of a gibbous moon high in the sky, lost to the pure Rage screaming in her blood, nothing ever felt so right, so true and as natural as being a monster. She could see other things now, a Shadow land just beyond human sight, and for a glorious moment she knew her place in it, in the world. One spirit thing, bright with moonlight, came to her and touched her skin, sizzling into it a pattern that would become familiar as breathing. It whispered a litany to the _nuzusul_ , as it called her, but one phrase resonated above the others.

The words rippled through her muzzle and out in the air in a great howl, said in the First Tongue ,for that was what it was, in the manner the syllables and letters where meant to be said. Every human trembled, the spirit things scattered, running as fast as they could, and even the powerful one in the Hastur Blade shivered. They all knew what she was and what she would do. In their sad little hearts, they knew and accepted their fates.

_The Wolf Must Hunt._

And she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this idea for a werewolf Laura fic for a long time, and now finally managed to write it down. This is another crossover with the World of Darkness, so the werewolf lore comes from the Werewolf the Forsaken gameline.  
> The fic title comes from the song Smaller God by Darling Violetta and the chapter titles are parts of The Oath Of The Moon from the Werewolf games. Urum da Takus means The Wolf Must Hunt.  
> Infinite thanks to explosionshark for listening to my rants about this for a very long time now, to melime for the support and to you guys for reading! Any tips and comments are very much welcome.


	2. Su a sar-hith sa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part that gets a little violent guys, just as a heads up.

Carmilla had mauled a good amount of Zetas and Summers, likely killing a few in her way. Still not enough, never would be enough. Her sister was gone, the one companion who had stood by her for all of her unlife. And Laura had betrayed her trust. The vampire could not, in her heart, know which hurt more.

 

The idiots called into action by the Baron were trying to cut the forest she was temporarily hiding in. Carmilla had dealt with a good number of them; the rest would soon realize why not even Mammam had dared to attack these woods. If their savior Vordenburg had cared to research even for a moment, he would not be throwing lives away for nothing. In the end, it did not matter to Carmilla, she would wait for the forest to do its job, and then head for the crater. The antediluvian thing, if that was what the fish truly was, would be enough to fuel her rampage. She would destroy this cursed place.

 

She wondered if she would hurt Laura in her Frenzy. Even now, with all the anger, a part of her hoped the girl would get away. She shook her head, trying to make the errant thought go away. Mattie was dead, and Carmilla would tear apart those responsible. It would kill her too, but what did it matter now?

 

The screaming was petering out, the last few dying to whatever lived in these woods. It never bothered attacking other supernaturals, so the panther did not worry about it and simply waited for it to be done. As she neared the border of the forest, a presence made itself know, the cat immediately turning to face the possible threat.

 

“Really Kitty, hiding in the woods? Isn’t that a little too predictable, even for you Savages?” Mattie was standing a few feet in front of her, apparently well. Carmilla’s form shifted back into human, reaching for her sister and hugging her.

 

“Mattie, you’re alive! How?” The gangrel’s voice was heavy with tears, the smile on her face one of genuine happiness and surprise. Mattie hugged her back before taking a step away, shrugging at her question. “According to the bookworm, seems your little reporter at least tries to fix her mistakes. She reached an agreement with the Monks, and they did the rites to bring me back. I am somewhat impressed, dear, that she felt strongly enough to give her blood .”

 

Mattie’s face turned annoyed for a moment. “And we’re going to talk about you spilling my secrets to the cub, and not checking for the failsafe I had told you about. Did you just forget that part? I suppose at least you’re not the only idiot making sacrifices,” Carmilla knew what Matska was saying was important, but she was frozen. Laura had found a way to bring Mattie back. Her dead heart felt like it almost gave a beat again. But the betrayal still tasted bitter on her tongue. Her voice was dark when she said. “She was the reason you died anyway.”

 

Matska sighed, looking even more annoyed. “I cannot believe I’m going to defend this child. But we’ve both been fooled sis. Did you notice your senses somewhat dulled inside Mammam’s house? She has a strong spell over her Elysium, to keep our Beasts, and our senses, quieter inside it. And it kept going after her death,” Mattie snorted, a sound not very usual coming from her.

 

“So the bookworm kindly informed me the food bough in by the soon to be disemboweled red giant was tainted. Vordenburg had it all infused with a kind of mind control, to make controlling his troops easier. Anything they knew, they immediately felt compelled to talk about. According to not-William, when your little group discovered they had been fed truth serum it was not pretty. Seeing as the Beanstalk is now somewhere around here, I thought I would join your little murder spree,” Mattie was smiling her hunter’s smile, but Carmilla had stopped listening.

 

She knew she had caught a different scent in the house after the apples, just a whiff, but it should have been enough. Laura was not in full control of herself when she spilled the most important secret Carmilla had ever given her. The vampire’s pale face went even paler. She had hurt Laura, had wrenched her head back violently, while spitting every awful thought in her head at the tiny human. She had been a swift trip to the crater away from likely killing her. And she had yet to ask what her sacrifice for Mattie’s life had been.

 

“What did she do? Mattie what did Laura bargain to get you back?” Her voice was starting to sound desperate, a thousand alternatives running through her mind. All of them ended horribly. Mattie looked at her like she was crazy. “Use your nose Kitty, she gave me her blood to feed on, to restore my strength. Not enough to kill, but a decent amount anyway. Aside from that, I think Victorian boy said something about the Hastur Blade, but I was already walking here by the time he finished,” Carmilla’s stomach plummeted. The blade took the life force of whoever wielded it, if it was used to kill. She needed to find Laura and chuck that cursed thing back into the fish crater.

 

A pensive look crossed her sister’s face. “Considering everything, maybe it would be good to hear the rest of the news. The fun can wait, after all,” She nodded to herself. Carmilla agreed quickly, her best bet was to hope Laura was still in the house.

 

They managed to avoid the Baron’s troops, concentrated in other points of the forest or heading to the crater as they were. Both vampires shared a look when they noticed the firearms in the hands of the second group. That would not end well.

 

The house had been barricaded, but it was easy to find their way inside through the many secret passages that led to and from it. Emerging into the main room, Carmilla looked around. A dejected Lafontaine was seated on one of the chairs, modified chainsaw at their side, paying their entrance no mind. JP was seated in front of the computer, looking lost. He immediately stood to greet them, but his voice was tight with emotion.

 

“Miss Belmonde, Miss Karnstein, before you kill us all, please listen to me,” Mattie waved a hand dismissively at him, her voice held its usual dismissive tone “We’re not going to kill you bookworm, and the mad scientist doesn’t even know we’re here by the look of it. Just finish telling the news and point to whenever the cub reporter has gone off to. No we’re not going to kill her either, dimwit, Carmilla wants to save her pretty behind again,” A long suffering sigh from her sister barely registered in Carmilla’s mind. Something was wrong, Laura was not here and there was a change in the scent of the room, something new to it.

 

“We don’t have time for talking, where is she?” Carmilla’s voice too betrayed her feelings, a note of urgency together with the bluffing anger trying to cover it. JP’s eyes were compassionate and sad when he turned to her, it made the worry she was feeling grow even more. “I… First, you must know, Miss Perry is not herself anymore. We believe the Dean has taken control of her body,” Both vampires tensed at his words, Carmilla holding the breath she had no need to take and Mattie closing her eyes and running a hand through her hair.

 

“I was afraid it was true,” Mattie said, eyes downcast and a look of resignation in her face. Carmilla gave her a confused look. “The girl called me by Mother’s petname, and she felt like Mother too, the way she was holding herself. We should have known she wouldn’t die that easily. I assume she wants her body back?” JP nodded. “So far as we can guess, that’s her objective. That’s why Miss Laura…” He moved back to the computer, motioned for Carmilla to come over and clicked one of Laura’s videos. Carmilla was certain he had lost his mind.

 

The video started, Laura sitting on her usual spot. Carmilla felt the tears coming the moment she saw her image. Tired, bloodshot eyes looked back at her, on a face clearly exhausted. It took her a moment to notice the wolf pelt throw around her shoulders. Where had that come from and why was Laura using it? Another second and she noticed the pelt wasn’t moving because of Laura’s breathing, but that it was doing so on its own. Carmilla’s eyes widened in sudden understanding, and her blood went cold.

 

On the video, Laura was giving a report on the situation, the Baron’s attacks, the Dean coming back, losing two of their companions and her deal with the Monks. “I’m going to fix this,” Laura’s voice was unwavering, her tired face showing the stubborn and headstrong drive that made her who she was. “I’m not sure if, I mean this can go wrong, and I need you guys to know where the sword will be. I’m going to the crater,” There was a pause as she seemed to gather her thoughts.

Then Laura started saying her goodbyes, and Carmilla wanted to be anywhere but in this room.

 

She started with her dad, asking him to try and contact her mother to let her know what happened. Then went through all of their names, commending Kirsh on his loyalty, J.P on his drive to learn and help, LaFontaine for their ingenuity and Perry for support. “I’m so sorry Perry. This would never have happened if,” A sob broke through the valiant control Laura was trying to keep. “LaF, no matter what, I’ll get Perry back. When she comes back as herself, get away from here. I’m sorry I dragged you two into this. I’m sorry I dragged everyone into this mess.”

 

Her eyes hardened and she sat straight, looking right through the camera. “Mattie, if you’re back and watching this, take Carmilla and run. I know you didn’t want to be here anyway. You died because of my stupidity, but you’re walking again and you want to keep Carmilla safe too. Even if this goes wrong, you’ll have some time to prepare. You didn’t give me any reason to trust you, but I shouldn’t have assumed everything wrong in this place was your fault.”

 

“Carm,” Laura’s voice wavered for the first time and Carmilla felt herself inching closer, wanting to comfort her even when it was impossible. “I’ve been saying how sorry I am for the last ten minutes, it’s not enough, but it’s all I have. I’m sorry for everything Carm. For not listening to you when I should have, for screwing up what we had, for being an idiot and not seeing how much you were hurting, for Mattie. Nothing I ever do will be enough to make up for it, but I hope the ritual worked and that she’s back. Go with her. You deserve everything in the world, all the happiness in it, “She was smiling, and not noticing the tears that were streaming down her face. Carmilla didn’t notice her own tears either, her heart seizing again in that almost beating it did for Laura.

 

“I couldn’t say it before, and it’s not fair to say now,” Laura’s voice cracked. “You love with everything in you, Carm. I hope you find someone who sees that and is worthy of it,” She smiled again, and all Carmilla wanted to do was hug her and never let go.

 

As the Laura in the video got up, Carmilla was already heading for the door, JP asking her to wait. A great howl rippled through the air before she could respond, sending LaF crashing to the ground and scooting away, terror in their eyes. Even Carmilla shivered, JP shrunk into himself and Matska looked at her with startled realization. Goddamn Ventrue and their lack of interaction with the rest of the supernatural world. They took off to the crater, Mattie mumbling about clan stereotypes and not adhering to them.

 

They must not have taken more than five minutes to get there, going at their full vampire speed as they were. The sound of desperate screams and tearing meat reached them first but the scene that greeted them was carnage on a level neither had seen in a long time.

 

Bodies were scattered around the western part of the crater, Summer and Zetas by the little that remained, some torn in half, others with their heads bitten off or smashed into the rocks strew around. Most had guns, with were of no use against their attacker. The scent of blood was overwhelming.

 

The last three fighters stood against the rampaging werewolf in front of them, all frightened beyond the point of madness. They fired, but the flesh of the beast immediately spit out the bullets, healing as if the wounds were nothing. One massive clawed hand grabbed at one Zeta’s head, crushing it like an overripe fruit, the other held the Hastur Blade in it, cutting a summer sister clean from shoulder to hip. The sword appeared to shimmer for a moment as the body fell.

 

Carmilla could only watch in stunned horror as the wolf’s head descended on her last opponent, jaws closing around his neck and wrenching from side to side once. Body and head went their separate ways in a spray of blood, as the wolf opened her mouth and let out another shattering howl. This was Laura’s First Change, and Carmilla prayed to every god she had long ago stopped believing in that she would not remember it.

 

The werewolf turned to the crater where the anglerfish was, eyeing her warily, before taking a leaping run at the thing. Carmilla went after her, shouting to catch her attention, with Mattie hissing at her side to shut up. But Laura disappeared as she jumped over the border of the crater. Shadowland, an old conversation came to Carmilla’s mind. Laura had gone to the spirit world.

 

Mattie laughed to herself before saying “Just what we needed, a werewolf. This University didn’t have enough problems after all,“ her voice was weary and tired. “You absolutely had to fall for a shapeshifter, didn’t you?” Carmilla ignored the question, trying her hardest to remember every interaction she ever had with the Uratha. They didn’t often talk with vampires, but when they did it was with the gangrel. Still, rarely did the pack members Carmilla had been on good terms with talk of their First Change. The most information she ever got was from the pack’s old storyteller, who always looked like he knew more than everyone around him. It had pissed Carmilla off to no end, but now she would give everything to have the old bastard here to help. He was long dead, but she kept contact with the pack that lived in his old territory.

 

Mattie was walking around the crater, looking for Mother’s body or any indication of her presence. It was a long shot. Even if she maintained some powers after possessing Perry, Mother knew best than going toe to toe with a raging werewolf in a body so fragile. Carmilla was wrecking her brain for a way to follow Laura, nothing coming to mind that she could do right now. Her best bet was to hope she would cross back to Flesh at this same point. Locus where not so abundant, the anglerfish sitting in the crater probably being responsible for this one.

 

It's weird fish eyes kept looking off in the distance, instead of following their every movement with hatred as usual. That was a somewhat welcome change, at least. She joined Mattie in searching, keeping her senses on alert for both Mammam and Laura’s presence.

 

After a half hour of useless searching, they came to a stop near to where they had arrived. With no mindless task to distract her, Carmilla was getting even more anxious. Laura could deal with a lot of things now with little danger to herself, but the world beyond was another matter entirely. And she had no one to guide her in it. Was she alright? Would she come back? Not being able to go help her was torture.

 

Finally there was movement in the air in front of the crater, and Laura was back to their world. Carmilla took a step towards her and stopped. She was still in the war form, the golden eyes she loved looking around with the mad focus of a trapped animal before she started shifting back.

 

The pained growls and whimpers coming from massive jaws became agonized shrieks as the killing form gave way to human again. The sounds of bones breaking and flesh rending itself apart before coming together again in new shape almost had Carmilla in tears again. It was not supposed to be like this. The werewolves she had known had shifted with mild discomfort at worse, many feeling none at all or even relishing the experience. Why was Laura’s transformation so painful? She needed to talk to those wolves.

 

Finally, it was Laura standing in front of the sisters, the clothes she was wearing somehow appearing back on her body, except for the pelt. Faintly they could see silver marks running their way through Laura’s exposed skin, making complex patterns. Those seemed as if they were tattooed on her. Carmilla’s stomach knotted at the sign of the other marks, strange patterns as well, but that looked like they had been either carved or burnt into the skin. In the blink of an eye they disappeared.

 

Laura kept on her feet for a moment, looking around with no understanding before exhaustion took over and had her falling unconscious. Carmilla caught her before she hit the ground. Even now, even among so much blood, Laura’s scent was a balm to the gangrel’s frayed nerves.

 

Mattie came to stand by her side, looking down at the girl cradled in her sister’s lap, her eyes unreadable. She noticed the big cut running down Laura’s back first, as Carmilla readjusted her in her arms. “Shouldn’t that be healed as well? The cub was shrugging bullets like they were flies before,” She tilted her head, gaze now curious.

 

Carmilla carefully held Laura in a seated position, moving to inspect the wound. She winced when she saw it. A Uratha in war form could heal anything almost instantaneously, and even out of it they healed faster than vampires, but there were always exceptions. Soul wounds, the old wolf had told her. Those healed as a normal human wound would. Only a very powerful, and usually very old, enemy could do this to her mate. Carmilla wondered what Laura had hunted in the other side. She would worry about it later. Right now, she needed to take Laura someplace safe, with supplies to take care of her injuries.

 

Picking Laura up into her arms and standing, she turned to Matska. “We should head back, Mamam is still out there and we have no base to go back to. The mansion is the best we’ve got right now,” Mattie was not happy, but at the moment there was no alternative.

 

As they moved away, one of the corpses opened its mouth and began talking. It was one of the few bodies with a mostly intact head and torso, the bottom half of it strew a few meters to the side. “Muth zuluk, tell the Urdur its part was completed to satisfaction, and I will keep my half of the deal,” It was the same distorted sound LaF and Kirsh had made when the fish spoke through them. “Tell it to call more Uratha, if it has any hope of restoring the Gauntlet,” the amount of disgust as it said those words was palpable. “I am strong with its offering, but I will not hold them back indefinitely,” With that the body fell silent again.

  
Mattie was startled, eyeing the fish with equal mistrust now. Carmilla gazed down at Laura, wondering again what had happened. She started running back to the mansion, Mattie soon joining her again. Whatever the fuck that had been, it could wait. She needed to dress Laura’s wounds and try to wash the worse of the blood away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Su a sar-hith sa - Pay each spirit in kind. This is the bone shadow's tribal vow, but it fit this chapter a little better.  
> Muth zuluk - Literally blood thief, term for vampire in the First Tongue.  
> Urdur - Pup, usually a term for recently changed werewolves, can be used as a insult.


	3. Ni Daha

She woke up slowly, her body hurting everywhere. The first thing Laura noticed was the scent around her. Earth after the rain, with a hint of iron to it. She snuggled closer to Carmilla’s neck, forgetting for a moment why she had not been able to do this for some time now. Then she remembered, and the smell of blood that had been just at the edge of her perception hit her full force. Laura did not remember exactly what damage her claws had wrought, but she could well guess. There was something else in the room, a dangerous smell, like liquid fire or lightning made solid. The cacophony of voices around her was not helping Laura situate herself, and neither was the pain on her back.

She started to move, opening her eyes. Carmilla was holding her in her lap, growling threateningly at a group of people on the other side of the room, Mattie at the side of the chaise, looking stately. The relief Laura felt seeing her smug face kinda alive was somewhat disturbing. Turning her head to the side, Laura saw Vordenburg standing by the door, as many Zetas and Summers inside the room as could fit. They were armed with swords, bows, crossbows and a few with firearms. The dangerous smell was coming from them. Silver, her sluggish mind provided, it was silver. Laura put a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder, holding onto her as she slowly set up.

All eyes on the room turned to her. Carmilla looked at her with worry, Mattie with something like curiosity, and the Vordenburg army with distrust. Sitting up, she could see LaF and JP standing behind the chaise, the both of them very apprehensive. The smell of silver was making Laura nervous and the presence of their enemies was quickly making her angry. She stood.

Laura could see more now, registering how the Summers and Zetas twitched uncomfortably, afraid of the vampires and of her too. They were breathing like scared animals, shallowly, ready to run if any of the predators in the room made a move. Her hands had been cleaned, but the blood on them could not so easily be masked.

A shiver went through Laura, her vision blurring for a second. When she could see again, it was not the physical room she saw. The realization sent panic to her heart, this was the Shadow she had delved into before. Everything was alive, in a way, shifting slowly or making some kind of soft noise. The spirit that had carved ancient symbols in her skin stood by her camera. Or was it the camera? With a shuddering breath, she retreated her perception from the _Hisil_. That was too confusing and could be dealt with later. Right now, the invaders had to get out of her territory.

Laura shook her head, trying to dispel the strange, animalistic thoughts and the lingering panic in herself. She had been another thing, one made for killing, when she had seen that spirit realm before. If she lost control now, in a room full of people with barely any place to run… She had to keep an iron leash on herself. Her hands twitched. Fear, confusion and something else, something deeper, warred inside her.

Of course Vordenburg decided to start talking, something about her being a traitor, a thing that was never human and that should be killed with the other monsters. The low snarl that left her throat made the stench of fear coming from the old man become even stronger. Carmilla was standing on her right, Mattie a little behind and to her left. Laura needed to take back control, the memories were hazy and hard to understand, but she knew if she lost it now, it would end in a massacre.

“Get out of here, all of you. We won’t come after you, or hurt you. Just go away,” Her voice sounded strange to herself, her tone more of a demand than anything else. Vordenburg shored up his courage, well hidden behind a wall of Zetas.

“See? The beast thinks to threaten us, to claim our brilliant university as its hunting ground. Fraulein Hollis, can you not see the silver we have brought? It will slay you as surely as those leeches you have allied yourself with. Stand down and accept your death, we may make it quick then,” Even so, he stank of badly concealed terror.

Laura looked at the weapons. How she knew what she was about to do, she had no clue, only that the… camera spirit, god that sounded absurd even for Silas, had taught her how to do it. Letting her eyes rest on every sword, bow and rifle, a barked command gained sound. In the old tongue she never learned, it meant _unmake_.

The weapons sprang apart, components falling to the ground. Most were left only holding the pommels or grips, useless and now even more scared. It was starting to get very hard to stave off the need to change, the need to hunt these terrified and vulnerable prey. Her teeth grew, her claws sharpened and her breath was coming ragged. The pain would soon follow.

Instead, arms hooked under her knees and around her back, hoisting her in the air. Only the scent of earth after rain and Carmilla’s calm voice, asking her to hold on for just a little longer, stopped her immediate shift to the killing thing she had become earlier. It was painful, but she could hold back for a short time. Her arms went around Carmilla’s shoulders, her face pressed to her neck, and in the blink of an eye, they were running.

In no time, the scent and sound of forest came into her perception, wild and welcoming.  It both soothed Laura and made the will to change stronger. She knew without looking, that in the _Hisil_ counterpart of the woods, an old spirit wolf was running by their side. It felt like family, like kin. She was glad to have it by their side.

Carmilla eventually stopped, deep in the forest. “Can you change into just the wolf, Laura? You’re safe here, there’s no one else if you can’t, don’t worry,” Her voice was in that gentle tone only Laura had gotten to hear. She didn’t deserve it.

“I… I think I can,” She took a deep breath, willing her shifting bones to take the form of a common wolf. Carmilla set her on her feet and stood by her side, eyes worried. Then Laura allowed the change to take place. Her world exploded in pain again. The deep cut on her back that had been throbbing until now felt like it was burning.

Bones breaking, muscle reshaping, tendons stretching and skin becoming tougher. The teeth and claws that had started to grow taking a fully canine shape in the snout that sprouted from her face, all the while her spine broke and reattached itself into her skull. When it was over, the maddening pain was worth it. Relief came right after it, the desire her body had to shift finally sated. Even more than that, the fullness and simple rightness of being a wolf enveloped Laura’s mind. Taking another form did not take away her human mind, but it made the world a simple place.

She looked at Carmilla, always at her side, now in her panther form. The big cat came close to her, nuzzled her head against the wolf’s own. Laura had not felt so grateful for a mere gesture in a long time. She nuzzled her back, taking comfort in their closeness. The itch in her paws was growing, however, and the wolf saw no reason not to run.

Carmilla was at her right, keeping up with her and on her left but in the Shadow, her wolf sibling run. It was old and it was tired, she knew that, but it should have been violent in defending its territory against an invader like her. Instead it had guided her in the _Hisil_ , when she took the killing form. The memories were hazy at best, but she could recognize it. On what, exactly, it had helped, she didn’t know.

And it didn’t matter. Here in the woods, the Shadow was practically healthy. Close to the university and especially inside it, the Gauntlet was stretched thin almost to breaking and the spirits could easily cross over to the world of flesh. Things made more sense now, why Silas was as fucked up as it was. Why it was allowed to become such, whoever, was still a mystery to the young wolf.

But again, that was a problem to the human, the wolf could enjoy this moment. Laura had wanted to do this many times, show Carmilla that she could change too, and just take a night out with her to run. She would remember, and treasure, this moment as long as she could. It felt like freedom after a long time spent confined to the house.

She did not register for how long they run, her senses distracting her from keeping time. Eventually they reached a small hill between the trees, forming a clearing there. Laura felt herself shift again, slightly less painful this time, into a far bigger and more bestial looking wolf. Not the killing thing, but close. Her flesh itched to change, the sensation foreign and very worrisome to her. Was she not in control of her own body? Would these urges become worse? She had no answer.

What she did know was the guilt. The monstrous wolf, now easily the same size as its monstrous feline companion, walked to the top of the hill, the panther always at her side. Laura let her senses reach far into the other side, saw the spirits of every tree and rock and blade of grass bathed in moonlight. She needed to tell her story, to let those shimmering beings know what she had done. The will to tell stories, to inform, that she always understood. The pain of it, the shame and sadness, she was starting to get very familiar with. So she allowed instinct to lead, throwing her muzzle high into the air and howling.

She let her story gain air, told in wolfsong and the strange tongue the spirits seemed to favor. She felt ashamed of so many of her deeds. People were dead because of her. Indirectly, because of her incompetence in resolving this mess before it got so ugly. And now directly by her murderous rage. So she sang her lament, face turned to the moon, to _Amahan Iduth._

Carmilla set by her side in silence until she was done. By then, she was itching again, this time for the human form. Laura allowed herself to shift, managing to swallow most of her cries this time. She didn’t think the sound of tearing flesh and breaking bone would ever be routine for her. She hoped it wouldn’t. By the end of it, she was kneeling on the forest floor, Carmilla easily changing herself and supporting the smaller woman with an arm around her waist.

Laura took a moment to get her breathing under control before speaking. “Thank you Carm, for bringing me here,” Her voice was small, and her legs were shaking as she got up on her own feet. Carmilla stood up, ready to catch her. “It was nothing Cupcake,” It made Laura’s heart ache in her chest, to hear the vampire calling her that with no malice in her voice.

“You should kill me, you know,” Laura’s voice was hollow. That was what she felt most guilty about. The emptiness in her leaving no space to mourn the dead. “I took so much from you Carm, and I just killed what, 20? 30 people? It would be the right thing to do,” For Mattie’s death alone, it would already be justified.

Carmilla’s eyes were hard, she swallowed once before speaking. Laura could easily sense the anger and fear in her. “I killed a thousand times that number Laura. You didn’t let Vordenburg’s people catch me, or threw him at me when you had every chance to do so. Mattie is alive again because of you,” Carmilla closed her eyes for a moment. “Even when I didn’t know she was back, I couldn’t really think about hurting you.”

Laura drifted to one of the nearby trees, sitting down with her back against its truck. It was comforting, Laura thought, to feel the rough bark against her skin and smell the leafs on its branches. “I can’t even feel guilty for killing those kids Carmilla. I can’t even remember doing it, how is this fair to them?” She whipped at her eyes quickly. “Was it like this?” Did your first kill break you? Laura was pretty sure she broke. Like a porcelain doll.

The vampire approached her again, eyes softer now. “Not exactly the same, but close. It’s the Frenzy for us, the Rage for you, but the results are alike. You can’t remember it right, but it never leaves you either,” She sat by Laura’s side, resting one arm on her bent leg. Laura nodded, paying attention to her words. As Carmilla didn’t continue, Laura spoke again. “How can you even stand to look at me?” She didn’t understand. It took so long for her to get it, but Mattie was Carmilla’s only family. Dad was her only family too, and if someone had killed him, she would have never forgiven them.

Carmilla looked conflicted for a moment, hesitating. After a moment, she shuffled closer to Laura and slowly, giving her time to get away, set a hand on Laura’s cheek. She gently ran her thumb back and forth, cleaning away the falling tears. “You didn’t do this alone. Mattie was acting like a threat most of the time, I could have talked to her and asked her to stop, could have explained why Vordenburg was a sleazy son of a bitch. Could have talked to you about all of this, how I felt, before it blew up,” She was so kind to Laura, even after everything. She couldn’t take it, the tears coming at full force now. Carmilla set one arm around her and it was all it took for Laura. She threw herself in Carmilla’s arms, crying against her shirt like the world was ending.

Being held by her was like coming home after a long and tiring journey. Carmilla run one hand through her hair lightly, the other wrapped firmly around the smaller woman as she cried. After some time, Laura took a shuddering breath and raised her face, not moving away. Carmilla pressed their foreheads together, offering as much comfort as she could. Laura took it, her hands gripping Carmilla’s shirt. Eventually she leaned back, adjusting so she could rest her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla kept one hand carding Laura’s hair and rested her head on top of honey locks.

Carmilla’s voice sounded hesitant, after a long moment of comfortable silence. “It’s not over, I don’t know when it’ll ever be over, but we could talk, if you want. About us, I mean,” she was rambling a bit. Laura though it was cute when she did it, instead of plain annoying like when it was herself. “I’d really like that Carm,” She looked Carmilla in the eyes, trying to convey the importance of what she was trying to say. “But you don’t have to. You don’t own me anything, never did. If you want to just leave it like this, it’ll be fine,” The hand on her hair pushed her closer to the vampire. This time, Laura was the one to lean their heads together.

“I know baby. I want to talk. I want…” Her voice choked. “I want to give us another chance, when you’re ready,” Laura nodded against her. “I’m a mess Carm, and I don’t even know what the hell I am. But I really want to make this work again,” Carmilla pulled back a little, smiling at her before saying. “At least I can help with something.”

 “Being a supernatural usually sucks, I’m not gonna lie to you. But we get some nice powers out of it. That whole ‘growl at weapons and make them implode’ trick was pretty cool,” That actually got a laugh out of Laura. Carmilla looked back at her, arching an eyebrow in question. “You won’t believe who… erm, what? I think? Taught me that,” the vampire smirked at her. “I’ve seen a lot of shit Creampuff, try me,” Laura giggled then, a small but genuine one. “It was my camera. My camera’s spirit? I don’t know,” Carmilla looked baffled at that, which only made Laura’s giggles grow. The vampire sounded bewildered. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope,” Again, instinct took over. With a sensation alike of that when she threw her senses into the Shadow, Laura made something in her skin answer her call. For a moment, the patterns the spirit had burned into her flesh appeared again. They were like electrical burns, running in incomprehensible patterns down her arms. They faded as fast as they appeared.

Carmilla looked even paler, her hands quickly tracing the fading burns. “Why did it to that?” Laura shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t really remember what happened, and I have the impression spirits aren’t easy to understand even on the best of days. But it ended up helping me,” Laura’s brow furrowed. “And I don’t know why I know that’s what it was either. I have all these weird memories, of a wolf and the moon and another world, and I think the weird moonlight thing told me about some other stuff, like the _Hisil_ and what it is, but I don’t really understand,“  She was the one rambling now, but she couldn’t help it. The memories of another world, another time, flashed through her mind with no explanation.

For a moment, Carmilla’s eyes left her own, frowning down at the ground. She seemed to be concentrating hard on something. She looked back to Laura, setting her arm gently around the other woman’s shoulder and pulling her to her side again. “Remember when I told you my clan is known as Savages, the more beast-like of the Kindred? One of the vantages of that is werewolves are usually on good terms with us. There is no fur versus fangs war like stupid pop culture would tell you, but your kinsmen have a tendency to be very territorial. That may step on a few vampires toes, with is very bad for the vampire,” Laura could feel the smirk on her vampire’s face, pressing lightly against her hair.

“The important thing is, many years ago Mamam sent me on a diplomatic mission to the Black Forest pack. I stayed with them for some months, discussing a territory protection trade. The storyteller of the pack insisted on telling me their, well, yours too now, origin myth and some of the culture involved,” A cold wind went through the woods. Laura snuggled closer to Carmilla. Any closer and she would be sitting on the vampire’s lap. “The old bastard made sure I knew most of Father Wolf’s tale by heart, and that I could remember the Oath of the Moon as well as any of the wolves. Whenever I asked why I should know all that, he just smiled and told another stupid story,” Carmilla’s eyes were distant, but her voice was firm. “I’ll tell them to you, as close to the way he did as I can recall, but the second we have time, we’ll go talk to some actual Uratha, okay? You should hear these stories from them.”

Laura nodded, locking eyes with Carmilla. “Thank you Carm, that would be… good, I think, to talk with them,” She settled her head back on Carmilla’s shoulder. “And thank you for telling the stories to me. It means a lot.” Carmilla rested her head on top of Laura’s, letting the hand curling around her hip toy with the strands of Laura’s shirt. She took a deep, if unnecessary, breath before starting the tale in a soft voice. “This story is true. Once, the Flesh and Spirit worlds were so close, the People could run and hunt between them easily.  Father Wolf, strong as he was, kept the balance and patrolled the Border Marches…”

 

*****************************************************************************

 

Mattie found them when the moon was low on the horizon, the stars beginning to lose their battle with the sun. Laura had fallen asleep some time ago, having ended up on Carmilla’s lap around the time the vampire told of the Sundering. It was cold and she wanted the smaller woman close to her.  Mattie chuckled when she saw the two of them all wrapped up in each other. Carmilla raised her head and nodded in greeting.

“Well then, Mother’s back, your girl can turn into a 900 pound killing machine and the science ginger may be more of a mage ginger from what I saw. At this point, I’m expecting one of the Zetas to declare himself a Julii in disguise, orchestrating all of this from the shadows,” Carmilla smirked at that, shaking her head. She sobered quickly, before saying in a worried voice. “I’m more worried about what Mother is,” It was Mattie’s turn to nod, face serious. “With our luck, we’ll know soon enough.”

The older Ventrue stepped closer to the huddling pair, setting a hand lightly on Laura’s head. Carmilla tensed at her proximity. “I did not survive this long without learning to pick my battles Carmilla. I may have underestimated your feelings for this cub, considering you never went to nowhere near this much trouble to keep the others alive. And I may have underestimated her altogether. Whatever else I may think, she was ready to die if it would bring me back, and she did that for you. I can respect it,” Again a smirk came to the Lady’s face. “And only a fool would willing antagonize a werewolf, no matter how young.”

Carmilla looked at her for a long moment, eyes dark. “Don’t be too much of a jerk to her, alright Mattie?” Carmilla needed to work on communicating, but what else to expect from a Savage? Even her educated sister could only do so much against her natural shortcomings. Still, Matska understood what she was trying to say. “Of course, I’ll be as charming as our Daeva cousins,” Carmilla let out a laugh at that. The mental image was ridiculous.

“I don’t know Mattie, putting your heart in a place so unprotected a puny human could destroy it easily sounds like one of their plans, probably for the aesthetics of it,” Her sister looked far too amused, and far too right. Matska let out a long suffering sigh before answering. “Don’t remind me, Mamam swore up and down this was the best way to avoid any hunters coming after us. More the fool I for believing her.”

The older vampire looked around at all of the green surrounding them with a small sneer on her face. “We can discuss the idiocy of my past self later, best to go back now. Not William found a way into the apparently not lost library in the tunnels below the manor. It is probably the safest place for us to go for now.”

Carmilla stood, carrying the exhausted small woman in her arms. Matska had tried killing their Mother a few times in her thousand years of Requiem. She had used more than a few arcane tools in those attempts, but never had help, from her siblings or from other vampires. Maybe, just maybe, with Carmilla on her side so determined to see Mother dead, Laura herself being one of the Uratha, and with at least some contact with the spirit world from what they saw, they could have a better chance this time. The mage with a vampire killing chainsaw was also a considerable asset.

Matska watched her sister as they walked. She had never seen the younger Kindred looking so calm, or so focused, as she did with Laura near her. The mage and the digital conscience were expendable, but Mattie was beginning to understand Laura was not. Very well, she could think up some plan that would end with the Dean dead and at least the three of them alive. A Lord is not a failure, and she may have already had an idea brewing in her head.

A shadow against the tree branches made a shiver run down Matska’s spine. Smoke and wings in the darkness… She could only hope their mother had not struck such a bargain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ni Daha: Respect your prey. Vordenburg doesn't, and Laura will need to understand most everything else is her prey now, including humans.  
> Hisil: The otherworld, the shadow half of the world, where spirits abound. Everything, be it animal, mineral, mechanical or even conceptual, has a spirit. And they're all hungry.
> 
> Sorry this took forever guys! I had half of it written after posting chapter two, but college took over and I had no time to finish it. Hope it wasn't too disappointing!  
> To all three of you reading this, would you guys think a full blow WoD AU would be a good idea? I think I'll write it cause, let's face it, this is me indulging myself to the max, but would a continuation of this be better or a start from scratch AU? Or maybe even a Changeling the Lost AU, because the plot of Carrilla fits scarily well in a CtL chronicle. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, and if you feel like chatting I'm over at cwnannwn.tumblr.com


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